Every Steve
Up in Redmond
Liked Vista a lot
But the Cringe
Who lived quite south of Redmond
Did NOT
The Cringe hated Vista and Microsoft too
Oh he had his reasons — maybe more than a few
It could be that his machine never really quite worked
It could be he thought that guy Ballmer’s a jerk
But the most likely reason (and the easiest rhyme)
Was that he simply enjoyed giving them a hard time
But it wasn’t just Redmond, oh no, not at all
That caused the Cringe’s green skin to crawl
It was Apple too, and the Apple boo-hoo-ers
Those iPhone and iPod and MacBook froo-frooers
With their silly white earbuds and smug little grins
Who think saying anything bad about Apple’s a sin
He stood there in Cringeville, hating those knobs
And the god that they worship, the one they call Jobs
With his black turtleneck and his oh-so-hip glasses
Whose overpriced gizmos earned the love of the masses
If you listen too closely you can hear them all sing:
One more thing!
One more thing!
One more thing!
One more thing!
You’d think the Cringe heartless, but that isn’t quite true
There are geeks he feels sorry for, at least one or two
Like those poor Yahoo girls and sad Yahoo boys
Who’ll wake up on Christmas without any toys
Jobless, flat broke, down and out, on the skids
Don’t call them orphans — they’re just Jerry’s kids
Even the Cringe found some things really scary
Like the bobblehead Google twins, Sergey and Larry
Who could buy up the world with their endless Goo-dollars
And have money left over for diamond dog collars
When you’re richer than rich, who needs to be evil?
Just me, thought the Cringe, as he rolled up his sleevil
“Why,” he thought, “there are a million things I could hate
Like pimple-faced CEOs who can’t get a date
And all of those social networking freaks
Who spend all day tweeting and all night throwing sheep
Not to mention Dell, Sony, HP, and Cisco
Gateway, Amazon, and of course SCO.”
Then the Cringe remembered whom he REALLY despised
Who should be whacked with a stick and poked in the eye:
The spammers, the scammers, and slimy flim flammers
The Bit Torrent blockers and neutrality knockers
Web censors from China to Kalamazoo
NSA snoops and the RIAA too
All of them this year were badder than bad
All should make Cringesters sadder than sad
So the Cringe waited, and waited, and waited some more
For the whining and moaning, the gnashing of teeth
The cries of despair, the calls for relief
He listened, and listened, and listened for it
But the geeks out in Cringeville didn’t whine — not a bit
They kept Digging and Stumbling and gladly Slashdotting
They kept surfing and roaming and WiFi hot spotting
Their Blackberries glowed from all that tap tapping
Their Flickr streams flowing, their Google Maps mapping
Amidst all this bustling, happy computing
They didn’t even mind the Windows rebooting
What happened then? Well in Cringeville they say
The Cringe’s snark supply shrank three sizes that day
Finally, exhausted, the Cringe gave up the fight
And he said, with a sigh, as he turned off the light,
“Merry Cringemas to all, and to all a good night.”
http://www.dantynan.com/2008/12/24/how-the-cringe-stole-christmas/
