First, I asked, “Movie reviews for war horse” and it replied, “It is a great movie. You should definitely watch it.” followed by a plot description. One point for Iris.

Then, I asked, “What time is it?” and it replied, “It is 07:41PM” – good, though normal people don’t say “zero seven” for the time. Half a point.

“What is the distance between California and New York?” Iris replied, “Do you want driving distance or flying distance?” Figuring I had asked it in the wrong format, I said, “What is the flying distance from California to New York?” …Iris then replied “The airlines never get you there on time.” …That was it. It offered to help but then didn’t help. Minus one point.

Next, I asked, “What is 5 plus 3?” It formatted it as “what is 5+3″ but then answered, “10, I think, But I’m not very good at math.” …….Seriously? Iris? You can’t even do addition? Minus one point.

Iris is an impressive idea, but it leaves a lot to be desired with basic distance and mathematical questions. The ChaCha integration looks promising but I don’t see it working in the examples above. Hopefully, with time, they will improve the system.

As noted on other online reviews, Iris lacks serious basic ability – the math issue has been around for months, it previously told a SlashGear reporter that 12+3 is 144.

I also promised I would blog more. So here’s that attempt too.

My month one goal is “Learn to forgive.” and I already set out on my previous post my general plan for that, but I’m going to try and cover it in detail and set it in stone for myself.

It’s a new year, a new start, so I’m going to start fresh this year. I’ve been known to hold grudges against people that I feel have done something bad or wrong to me or someone else in the past. I’m going to put all of that behind me. No more “hate” for people, no more grudges, no more anger. I’m going to work on letting things go, letting anger roll of my back and not get to me, and move on from everything. No sadness or anger to bring me down, I’m going to forgive and move on from all bads. Here’s to a more cheerful and forgiving me.

2011. Intense year. Let’s look forward: 2012.

Today, as I was working away, I saw a tweet (Because I’m a “Twitter Whore” according to coworkers) on my Echofon popup, which read,

12 things Happy People do differently (damn good read): http://bit.ly/vWplaa (via @missdestructo @marcandangel)

And it was, in fact, a damn good read. The list of the “12 things that happy people do differently” is, more or less, an entire bookcase (if people still have those… I dunno.. and entire Kindle full?) of self-help books, condensed into the web’s ever-famous “list of lists”.

But unlike the daily ones on Mashable, this was a good one. So good, and so perfect… 12… that I figured it would be a perfect set of 2012 resolutions.  I’m not going to post the full list here (click the link above to read it) but I am going to break the 12 down into a slightly out-of-order list. Each item gets one month totally dedicated to improving that core area of who I am, with the end result being that I will add a new one on every month.

So, without further ado, here is my grand 2012 list resolution(s):

January: “Learn to forgive.” I figured this was a perfect start. New year, lets’s start fresh. I’ve been told (though I’ve improved it recently) that I hold grudges and “hate” people too easily, so I’m going to work on that in January. I’ll ween myself in at first by not hating people (it’s OK to still hate traffic… everyone hates traffic…) but by the end of the month, I would love to be able to totally drop that word from my vocabulary. And the feelings that go along with it – I won’t just start using “super dislike” – I need to actually let go of some of my deepest… disapproving of people who I feel have “wronged me” …. yes, I’m looking at you, Mr. I-Spell-My-Name-Incorrectly. Ahem. And art. Hooooo don’t even get me started on how much I hate art. So yes, Learn to forgive. And not hate.That’s number one on my list.

February: “Savor life’s joys. ” I would like to think that I’m already fairly good at this, but I think I’ll really take time to slow down and live in the moment. Enjoy what I am doing, where I am at, and where I want to be. Living in Southern California (Los Angeles in particular…) makes it really hard sometimes to slow down and enjoy life for what it is. I think it will be a great learning experience for me to slow down and really enjoy life as it is meant to be. Take the time out of my day to stop and enjoy what it is, what I have, and what I’m thankful for.

March: “Take care of your body. ” This one is an oddball to me, and I don’t know how I will stick to it. I get physical activity in frequently, (be it riding my bike, hiking, or just walking my dog…) but I know I’ve just got… bleh. I’ve gained weight as a Vegetarian (going on my 4th year) due to over-eating, so I really need to balance out my meals. Maybe I’ll take this goal one step further and do calorie counting and get a FitBit for the month and really set goals for myself to hit the gym 3x a week. Yeah, that’s what I will do – get a FitBit and really start tracking this stuff, make a game plan, and change myself. Shazam.

April: “Practice acts of kindness. ” I would say that I already do this to a degree  – I’m that “nice guy” that gives people directions, helps people out, hands someone a dollar at the store when they can’t find the change…. that’s me. But I think there’s something more that can be done… I think the goal here is random acts of kindness. Like those “Secret Santas” paying off people’s Layaway at K-Mart. I’d like to try and do one act of kindness per day in April to really test the waters on this and see what makes me feel good. Maybe one day, I’ll pay for the person behind me at Subway, or another day, I’ll help someone out to find something they are looking for. I’d like to do more than the “hold a door open for someone” since I already do that. (such a long story. I get weird looks here. Southern hospitality (lived in Texas for 4 years) is so hard to come by here.) I’m thinking big. I’m thinking outside the box. Meet strangers. Make them happy. Talk to people. You know, that kind of stuff. Spread not just kindness, but happiness.

May: “Increase flow experiences. “ This one seems so.. Zen. So… hippie. Weird stuff. I don’t really get it, but the article talks about “being in the zone” and stuff. The article says, “You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional.  You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing. ” — uh, yeah. I don’t usually get like that. I picked this one as May because that’s when my finals are for S2012′s semester. So I guess this would be a good time to “increase my flow” …out of all of the 12 things, this one is the one I am least excited about…. partly because I don’t get it.

June: “Cultivate optimism. “ I admit it. I am sometimes a pessimist. And it usually kills me when I act like that because I can almost always find the good in a situation. During June, I want to do much of what I plan to do for January – no pessimism, no negativity. I need to find the good in every situation, think positively, act positively, and spread positively. Positive. I can do it. See, I’m being positive already. eugh.

July: “Practice spirituality. “ If this was a tweet, I would usually think to myself before writing it, “About to lose some followers…. yay….” but here it goes anyway. I’m a Christian by my own choice, I go to church every Sunday, I read the Bible on my own time & pray daily. And it’s good and all, and don’t get me wrong, I like my religion (though, the Church of Collin-tology is my favorite….) but I do feel like there’s more I could do. I’ve been making up excuses all the time asto why I don’t have time to join a small group at church, or do some retreats (Men’s houseboats… I get so many emails about that…) but I think, for at least the month of July, I’ll join a weekly small group. If I don’t like it, at the end of July I can always just quit. But I need to at least try to further myself spiritually. Although I have quirky views (I believe in Evolution, I’m pro women’s and gay rights, and a host of other things) I still do find my faith to be a very important aspect of my life and who I am.

August: “Develop strategies for coping” Some sort of system other than my well-known road rage issues. I’ll need to put more thought into this as I have not really thought out how exactly I want to do this, all I know is that I want to do this somehow.

September: “Commit to your goals. “  This one will not come easy to me. Anyone who follows me on Twitter or keeps up with my development work knows that every time I find a cool API, I build a product for it, bug test it, bring it to final launch, never launch it and then abandon it. Almost everything I’ve ever developed never saw the light of day outside of a private beta test. I spent a month writing a Twilio powered website for disposable phone numbers, spent a bunch of money on a graphic and logo designer, sent out invites to friends, but never opened the site to the public. To this day, there’s still a disposable phone number app great for craigslist or dating sites just sitting in my dev server. I started DotDotDotAwkward, a collection of awkward mashups and funny mobile snapshots. It was a huge hit for about a week, and then I lost interest and the site died out. I started MLIAmazing, which again had huge potential, I spent 2 weeks writing features for it and hacking code, only to abandon and never launch. It’s painfully obvious to me that every project I develop will see limited success only to be neglected by me due to lack of time. I need time and money. And in September, whatever project I am working on will be developed and launched. Period.

October: “Nurture social relationships. ” I would like to think that I already do this – I have a great group of close friends that I can trust with anything, and that I trust for anything. It’s the 2AM flat-tire test. If I call you at 2AM when you have work the next morning, and I’m 40 miles away with a flat tire – will you come and get me? I think my goal for this month should be to build up one extra relationship to that level. Maybe more. I’m looking at you, Andrew. To me, it’s very important not to have “too many” friends- I don’t like spreading myself thin. I know some people would prefer 300 friends that they “kinda know” but I definitely prefer 10 people that are like siblings.

November: “Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. ” I laughed at this one. This one goes out to all of my ITEPers. All of you guys need to join me on this one. Hahahahah. Again. Laughing. Over-thinking. hahahahahahahahahahaha. Ok, laughter aside (hey, it’s good for you!) this will likely be a challenge, moreso on the “social comparison” side of things. I’ll do my best on this one but I can’t guarantee anything.

December: “Express gratitude“ I could have been really tacky with this one and put it during Thanksgiving, but I didn’t. I figured I would save the best for last – a time to express gratitude for what I have, and how much I have (hopefully) improved over the last year. I’m already thankful every day for what I have, but it’s a great time to reflect.

There you have it. My resolutions. Do any of you watch Parks & Rec on NBC? This totally reminds me of Chris. He’s all of the 12 things above. “Literally.”

Oh. And I’m adding one more for good taste: blog more. I just moderated a bunch of comments on existing entries and apparently people read my blog. So, I’m going to do my best to blog once a month as an update on my self-improvement. Here we goooo! (I totally just said that in the Mario- “here we go!” voice.)

Ideas on what I should do for a month? Words of praise? Encouragement? What are your resolutions? Put them in the comments box below and I promise I will read and respond to all of them (non-spam at least) personally.

Here’s to a great 2012!

Basically, California is one of a handful of states which do not, currently, collect sales tax from out-of-state merchants, such as Amazon. This is hurting our economy, but that’s not the point of the bill. Republicans call this bill something that will level the playing field for California small business owners. It’s not fair that big box companies like Amazon get away with not charging sales tax, when our local businesses and small business owners are forced to charge sales tax. Sales tax is a part of life, and we’re all used to it. Nothing new.

So, the right likes this bill, (somewhat) because they want to level the playing field and small business and local economics and whatnot. Democrats are like “OMG MORE TAXES COOL STUFF!” so they quickly got on board. The bill passed the California Assembly with a vote of 52-20.

Amazon then sends out their threat letter, saying they will cut off ties with associates/affiliates/distributors in California. Their Facebook page, as well as Jerry Brown’s, are filled with people screaming about how unfair our state is, how the state hates business owners, bla bla bla.

My thing that I feel, is that, we don’t hate business owners. We are leveling the playing field. Companies like Amazon are able to under-price local small business owners by about 10 percent (our sales tax is 9.25%) because they simply don’t have to charge the sales tax. I’ll admit it, at least twice in the past month, I have purchased something from Amazon instead of a local shop because I get no sales tax and free shipping from Amazon. (once from ThinkGeek and the other from, don’t laugh, the Rovio Angry Birds page.) I got the same product, at the same price, but when I buy things via Amazon, I don’t have to pay sales tax, and I get free shipping. See, this is not cool, but, like many other consumers, I shop around for the cheapest possible price on a product.

When you go to a store, you pay sales tax. When you buy from a local small business owner, you pay sales tax. It’s only when you buy from the giant gorilla in the room, Amazon, that you hurt our local economy, our local small business owners, and local retailers. And yet, we all do it. Even myself.

The solution is this bill. If you live in California, you pay sales tax on what you buy. Period. That’s how things are supposed to be, and Amazon has been getting around it for too long. Sooner or later, Amazon, the game will be over. What makes you so special? Sales tax is a part of life, people accept it and pay it. It’s not like California is making you alter your prices or change a damn thing. It’s just asking that you collect sales tax, which you will pass on to the consumer, just like every other store.

Amazon, your claim that this will “hurt your business” is a lie. Californians will have to pay sales tax regardless of where they shop, so you’ll keep getting the same customers. Unless, that is, you know your gig is up with under-cutting local small business owners, and screwing them out of commissions with your distribution / fulfillment / affiliate programs.

Amazon Affiliates, YOU are the ones who should be outraged at AMAZON right now. Amazon is throwing you guys under the bus and trying to “hold you all hostage” to the government by making threats about cutting ties with you guys. If this bill passes, it’ll be a level playing ground for everyone. You are all the ones crying about small business and local economies – don’t you see that a fair and level playing field is what will really help our local economies? Why should everyone else collect tax when Amazon doesn’t? When you buy something, you pay sales tax. It’s always been that way and always will be. I cannot believe how foolish some of the affiliates have been thinking that Amazon is on their side. They aren’t, guys.

This bill is about creating a level playing field and supporting California businesses. Amazon has been getting away with not collecting sales tax for too long. It’s just wrong for them to drag their affiliates into this. Amazon, the game is over. It’s time to collect sales tax just like everyone else does already. You can’t get away with this forever.

In 2008, we got told that DirecTV and TiVo’s new box was on it’s way. In 2009, DirecTV and TiVo told their subscribers that a TiVo box compatible with DirecTV would come out in 2010. In 2010, They told us it would come out in 2011. And, on December 22nd, 2010, I was told by a TiVo sales rep nothing about the matter. He’d never heard of any compatibility problems.

On December 29th, I got my new TiVo box and, without even taking it out of the packaging box, saw horror right on the front. “Not Compatible with Satellite”.

You See, I’ve been a TiVo customer since 2005. (more on that later) – and I’ve been using one of the old, Crappy Series 2 boxes. I really want one of the sexy new TiVo Premier boxes. So, I bought one for myself, because they were having a great holiday promotion on them.

Bad. Idea.

Not only am I stuck going back to my old box, but the process for getting that box returned was a complete nightmare.

Literally five minutes after getting my TiVo, I called customer service about the whole “Not Compatible” issue. I mean… My box works fine on DirecTV. Seriously. It works fine. I asked the customer service lady what’s up and she goes “Oh yeah…..” basically, saying that the new boxes indeed will not work with DirecTV receivers, even though my old box works fine.

…I bought my old box before TiVo and DirecTV had a fury of hissy fits and acting like babies, so my non-hd TiVo box works fine with my non-hd programming lineup. But the new boxes are intentionally designed not to support satellite content.

TiVo and DirecTV are acting like childish kindergartners.

There is NO technological limits or problems. They are literally acting like children and refusing to make their boxes work together. Someone needs to get up and tell TiVo and DirecTV to “Play Nice” with each other.

Oh, but with any story – it gets better. Those calls to customer service could not have been any more frustrating.

Andrew: Unfortunately the return for credit was not setup.
Collin: Ok....?
*long pause*
Collin: I don't know what that means?
Collin: Did the previous agent on the phone
        never submit my return or something?
Andrew: That is correct.
Collin: So, I need to call back again....
Collin: ...because the first person just never put in the return?
Collin: She canceled my service, but never put in the return?
Andrew: That is correct.

I think I’m  getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s back it up a bit. You see, remember how I said I called customer service right away? After about 30 minutes on the phone, and the agent trying to persuade me into keeping the box without any service, (which went a little something like this:)

Her: What about using TiVo as a features box,
     and keeping your current one for the DVR?
Me: What's a features box?
Her: You can use your TiVo to stream movies on Netflix, hulu,
    listen to Rhapsody, watch YouTube, browse Photobucket,
    Stream Amazon Video On Demand...
Me: ....But I can't record or watch TV?
Her: Because of your incompatible receiver, you cannot. However,
     as I said, you can stream Netflix, Hulu, listen to Rhap...
Me: I have a computer that does all of those things already.
    And a cable to connect it to my TV. No thanks.

And that went on and on for quite some time. Finally, I convinced her to just issue a return for the box I ordered, so I could just keep my old TiVo.All was well, she told me in a little while I would get an email with the details on how to return my box, told me the shipping information, bla bla bla, we said goodbye and hung up.

About three hours later, I got an email confirming that effective today, My TiVo service was canceled.

….wait, WHAT!? Never once did I mention “cancel” while I was on the phone. The phrase “return box” was used many times, and “refund purchase” …. but never “cancel service I’ve had for more than 5 years”

Speaking of that, let me digress once more. Every single time I have ever called or chatted with TiVo, they have thanked me for being a customer for so long, owning MULTIPLE BOXES and always being ontime with my bill. And for all of that, I have to pay for return shipping on the box. Gee, Thanks TiVo. You know, earlier today, I had to email Woot’s customer service about a defective $12 dollar snuggie knockoff. They told me to throw it out and they would send a new one at no charge, and not to worry about it. I kinda think that’s how customer support should be done. So, TiVo, take a customer support lesson from Woot, Zappos, or any other company.

…Now, where was I? Oh, right. I got an email saying my service was canceled and not actually being properly refunded, just….canceled. Which brings me back to where I was in my chat with Andrew. After fixing my account and reactivating my normal TiVo box, he told me that basically, not only was there absolutely no record of me requesting a return for the box, but the sales rep never put in a request for credit into my account. Translation: I’m out $200 for the box, plus $99 for the year of prepaid service. Gee, Thanks. And, Andrew, in his infinite wisdom, did not offer to help me one bit, or answer any of my questions with detail or to explain things, instead telling me to call their phone number….Again.

Which, I did. Got some guy who’s name I don’t remember. The guy was INSANELY sarcastic and his tone was beyond rude, but I didn’t really mind considering their office closed in 8 minutes (this is the 2nd time I’ve called them right before closing) and I figured he wanted to go home.

He processed my RMA, got everything set up on their end, and sent me the forms to return my box. Done deal. No upsells, no nagging me to keep the box, and I actually got an RMA this time. Had this been the first time around, it would have been a wonderful experience. Instead, my day was filled with calling phone lines, emailing, and waiting on chat supports.

TiVo, time to grow up. Stop acting like a little kid. You too, DirecTV. You’re lucky that I love you so much more than Time Warner, or I would drop you like a hot potato.Oh, and TiVo? Retrain everyone at your company. I love your U.S. support and all, don’t get me wrong, I really do. But, from the returns agent who never processed my return, to the sales agent who neglected to mention the fact that my TiVo won’t actually work with DirecTV… something is broken along the lines. But… that’s 2nd priority. First…. GET ME A SATELLITE TIVO BOX.

I won’t ever recommend TiVo to a friend ever again, but I’m too hooked on my TiVo box to drop it. Please get your act together and get me a box.

.

Love,

Collin

(I’ve modified it into a two person song, and yes: I *WILL* be making a recording of this. Stay tuned.)

An original parody, © 2010 (oxymoron, huh?) www.Collin1000.com – Do Not Republish/Reproduce

This year’s song is dedicated to all the spoiled children out there, and one very spoiled bitch in particular.

If you liked last year’s, It’s still up as well.

Without further ado, here you go. My 2010 song.

girl:
I know your flyin’ round the globe with those 9 reindeer I love,
and I’m like, “i want stuff!”
You’ve got a sled full of toys,
for all of the little boys,
its like, “heres one for you, and uh, one for you too!”
you said “have you been good now? do you want coal now?”
ha, wouldn’t that be a joke?
(don’t want no coal!)
although theres cookies in your tummy,
you still fit down the chimney,
to uh, bring toysss!

santa:
now yeah im sorry,
looks like you’ve been naughtah,
guess its gonna be coal for you.
your sister jamie,
well shes been good now,
she’ll be getting that barbie with blond hair.
i feel bad for youuuuuuuuuu,
two big black lumps of coal
(oh you got coal now! whatcha gonna do, now?)
ooooooh, here’s a thought for you:
yea, you should have been good in the first place!

girl:
I know your flyin’ round the globe with those 9 reindeer I love,
and I’m like, “i want stuff!”
You’ve got a sled full of toys,
for all of the little boys,
its like, “heres one for you, and uh, one for you too!”
you said “have you been good now? do you want coal now?”
ha, wouldn’t that be a joke?
(don’t want no coal!)
although theres cookies in your tummy,
you still fit down the chimney,
to uh, bring toysss!

santa:
now I know, you stole from that store,
cuz i have checked my list twice now.
lied to your momma, hurt your baby brotha,
girl you’ve been naughty all year!
your getting coaaaallllll, and thats my final word.
(oh girl you stole from seven eleleeeven, should be in juvvieeee)
ooooh, i’ve got the truth for you:
you are a spoiled, selfish, bitch.

girl:
I know your flying around up there,
with those reindeer and all… so,
gimmie toys!
i know you’ve got some left over, those elf’s sure worked hard,
so like, gimme some! give me now!
ive been good so much, forget about the bads,
just forget them please!
(he cant do that!)
although im on the naughty list you can make an exception,
for me,
pretty pleaseeeeeee?

girl:
now santa santa santa why you bringin me coal this year?
(im sad, im sad, im sad)
i kicked and cried to mommma but she told me it was all that she had
(so sad, so sad, so sad)
uh, why? ugh, why? ugh! why, santaaaaaa?
i deserve toys! i want new toys! ugh!

girl:
I know your flying around up there,
giving toys to everyone else,
i want some!
i know you’ve got some left over, those elf’s sure worked hard,
so like, gimme toys! i want toys!
ive done so many good things, you just never saw them,
and, i really want toys
(really want some toys!)
you know ive been a good girl this whole year long so uh,
how ‘bout some toys?

…Comments below.